We all attach. We attach to our views and opinions. We attach to results and outcomes. We attach to people and the memories we hold of them.
We are wired to expect positive outcomes, and we are encouraged by society to think positively too. Positivity is not the problem. It is the belief that we hold that things need to go in one specific way and if they don’t, we get disappointed. That is the problem.
Non Attachments enable:
another perspective and outlook on things
new learning and growth
When we are attached to how we want for things to end up, we put pressure on ourselves and on the world to deliver the results in a certain way. If it doesn’t happen, we end up bitter, angry, resentful and…low.
What Do We Attach To?
We attach to items as possessing them makes us feel good about ourselves and our life, which then seems 'fuller-filled'.
We attach to results we want to see after hard work for example, a job interview or a campaign we launched.
We attach to views and opinions we have formed, and they prevent us from holding an open-minded discussions.
We attach to people and the experiences we had with them. We often miss the feeling we had when we were with them, and not necessarily the people themselves.
And so it is safe to say that what we attach to is the way we feel, or more precisely, how we want to feel. And the disappointment comes when the actual emotion we experience does not match our expectations.
The biggest dependence we develop is that between our self-worth and our performance. If things go well, according to the plan then we feel or think that we are good enough and worthy. If on the other hand, things crumble, what we tell ourselves is that we were not good enough to deserve it. That is the harshest and the most dangerous attachment we build our lives around.
How to develop self-confidence?
Whilst collecting enough evidence, which proves that you are good enough at something is a worthy exercise to build self-confidence, that is not all. Self-confidence is a belief we choose to hold about ourselves. It is a default position we return to after every setback. The more challenging the experience, the more important it is to regroup, find balance and remind ourselves of what we really believe to be true of ourselves.
It is in challenging situations when we need to remind ourselves who we really are and what we are capable of. Only then is the list of evidence beneficial, but never on it’s own.
How to Practice Non-Attachment?
1. Do not hold on to what has already happened, good or bad. Draw conclusions and lessons and move on.
2. Live truly in the present moment-by-moment reality where things change all the time. Pay attention to the now, don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future.
3. Accept that things change and pass – all things bad and good. Nothing stays permanent, everything is fluid and transitioning. The sooner you understand it, the easier it will be for you to not attach and enjoy things, experiences and people while they last.
4. Do not allow positive or negative emotions highjack and disturb your inner balance.
5. Allow yourself to experience enjoyment and excitement when good things happen, while they last. If you cannot find enjoyment or excitement in an experience, at least try to accept it.
6. If bad things happen, learn to accept them by asking the 'right questions' such as: "what am I learning here?" Move on when you are done with the lessons learnt.
Mindfulness, higher Self-Awareness and overcoming Limiting Beliefs and Self Doubts all help in practicing Non-Attachments.